Long time no write!
Totally unexpected, but this month my entire life got turned upside down. I figured 'Sure, I'll start a blog, I have plenty of time for it now!'. But nope! So it's time for some updates!
Dating my husband
Considering I know many of you don't really know about this part of me, I decided to be brave and tell you all about it.
My life has always been a struggle, without me understanding why. School was difficult, not that I didn't understand it, but I was tired more than my peers and didn't really 'go out' a lot. Studying didn't come easy, because I was more busy with trying to have a social life, fitting in and helping everyone but myself. -not that I got far with any of that-
My life has always been a struggle, without me understanding why. School was difficult, not that I didn't understand it, but I was tired more than my peers and didn't really 'go out' a lot. Studying didn't come easy, because I was more busy with trying to have a social life, fitting in and helping everyone but myself. -not that I got far with any of that-
Because I wasn't able to do any of it, I felt depressed a lot. I became introverted and bitter, but mostly I felt very alone. I ended up in this vicious cycle of trying too hard, becoming more and more tired and distancing myself from people.
This continued until I turned 18 and was in my last couple months of school. I was doing my internship when I got sick. I managed to finish school because of my wonderful parents and an amazing teacher who got me back to school. But I didn't seem to recover from this sickness, I became exhausted and more depressed.
So when I left for another school in the Netherlands and when I lost the only person I trusted but couldn't let in to my heart, I fell in to a very dark hole.
I lost myself completely.
When my husband found me, I was a complete and utter mess. How he managed to see through all of my darkness, I don't know, but he found my light and made me shine. He made me feel safe and protected me at all costs. He stood by me when I started to find myself again and waited very patiently for me to start blooming.
Napping
But we both knew something else was wrong. I was still exhausted. No matter how much I slept, I woke up feeling even worse. My body started to hurt in places I didn't even know existed.
So we went to the doctors. And a specialist. And another one. It took two years -and a couple of jobs- to figure out that I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Even though everyone was expecting it, my world came crashing down.
I had to learn how to function again, from scratch. Do something, sleep. Do another thing, sleep. Balance my day. Chose if I'll do one thing or the other. *ugh*
By the time I figured it all out, I started this blog. And it won't surprise you, but it wasn't over at all!
Finally, I accepted that I was different and started to take care of myself. Starting with taking it very easy. And then, I got a call. A job offer. Not just any job, literally my dream job. 5 minutes from home, perfect hours, and with kids. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. I took it.
A week later, I heard something that broke my heart, together with my CFS, I had fibromyalgia.
But that's just it. No matter what life throws at me, I won't back down. I have been through so much, but I have so much more to fight for. Not only do I have an amazing family who loves me unconditionally, but I have a job that I love more than anything. And I have the best reason to fight for my health: my husband. He has been there every single step of the way, believing in me and cheering me on. He has never doubted me, not once.
I will never let him down. His love for me is so pure and honest, and I can't wait to make him even prouder of me.
It is time for me to start blooming.
